NutNav is about real everyday people sharing there experiences with you around mental health.
An encouraging account of someone who, despite their tough start in life along with serious health issues later on, lives a highly productive and positive life. Well done you and thank you for sharing with the NutNav family.
The Early Years
First of all, I would just like to say this platform is very much needed and a huge part of the missing jigsaw with anxiety and depression, well any mental health.
Having been around people who suffer in one way or another my whole life and dealing with the system first hand and with my Brother who has bipolar it’s definitely something that will appeal to many, many people who feel their backs are against the wall, a safe place to share and find ways other than the mainstream options will be welcomed.
My Childhood wasn’t the ‘norm’ my earliest and one of my very few memories of my biological Father were hiding from him with my Mum and Brother and Mum frantically locking doors so he couldn’t get in after his boozy afternoon in the pub.
Drink equated to beats, dinners thrown up walls and a particular disliking to me.
This disliking was obvious to my Mum. as young as a few months old, (a hard read in a statement I got to see many years later)
After my Grandad got wind of what my Mum was going through, he paid him a visit and let’s just say that was the last time he bothered us. He showed up the first day in court when my Brother and I were being adopted by my dad who raised us, on the day of the hearing, he didn’t show but rang and agreed to my dad to go ahead.
Yes my mum went on to meet a man who loved her and despite the issues already ingrained, my mum took over the father role as best she could. My dad was, and still is, a very old fashioned man with strict views, but so so loyal.
We went without nothing growing up and he taught me so much, HE is my Dad. Several years later, I discovered I have siblings from my biological dad and did try to have a relationship with them but we wasn’t aligned. After a few times meeting, they made it clear they wasn’t too interested so I walked away and wished them well.
I have made it clear that if there’s anything I can ever do for them they can just call me. My early life experiences could have affected me but somehow, that part didn’t, I was just always so happy inside. I cried an awful lot growing up, but I also knew that my tears weren’t ever about me, they were about the harshness of life, the kids who had nothing, disturbing adverts of kids in Ethiopia, ill treated animals and bullies.
I would literally lay awake trying to figure out how this could stop, on the other hand, I was a happy go lucky kid, giggly, fun to be around, always dancing as it was my everything.
Taking dance classes in the week along with competitions up and down the country almost every month. The divide between who I was as a person and how I saw the outside world were so far apart. How can I be so happy inside but so upset at times with these things, I had no idea what an empath was, that label came 30 years later.
My Journey with Anxiety and Depression
So my journey, in short with anxiety and depression, I suppose started as a child, but not through my childhood experience with my biological dad, (unless that triggered a response who knows). What I’m saying is my childhood didn’t consciously affect my thoughts and therefore I developed anxiety because of that, my anxiety was only over things I felt I couldn’t change and to this day I’m still the same.
Challenge me with anything and if I can fix it I will. It’s the challenges I can’t fix that trigger deep anxiety and if anxiety persists, it turns into depression. It takes so much to get me to that point, as over the years, I have researched and studied so many angles on how best to deal with anxiety, in the gentlest way possible.
When I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and endocrine disorder over 10 years ago I dealt with it head on, was coping even when I couldn’t stand and forever finding new ways to heal.
It’s been a crazy journey that started off in hospital, but is now being dealt with holistically. People ask me how I cope and I mostly reply, “I just get on with it”.
A few Months ago it was taken out of my hands and my physical health was totally taken out of my control, yes you guessed it, after several weeks of dealing with physical symptoms the anxiety kicked in majorly, a 4 Month bedridden state due to crippling physical issues then led to a breakdown. I now know this was the case as I’m slowly seeing the light, healing from that trauma.
I find huge comfort in work, it’s my therapy for taking my mind off pain. I can only be in the company of people who are aligned with me though, it’s become part of my way of dealing with things.
Forcing myself to be in the company of wrong people for me has proven to be bad for my health, so avoidance of triggers is key along with eating good fresh food. If I eat well I tend to function better, meditation, prayer, self talk and belief and last but definitely not least, hugging my boys who are my everything, the reason I keep going.
When I discovered NutNav I was so happy that finally there’s a place to go that is safe, that can be part of my toolbox if you like for dealing with times of anxiety, no judgement or labeling, no one size fits all strategy or being forced to talk just a place to discover gently how to find support and understanding by others going through it too. Just wonderful…I’m now at a point where I know what triggers me so avoidance and nurturing the soul along with Mother nature and a little technology is my go to treatment.
One step at a time, day by day things get better.
Let us know your thoughts!